Going All-In on David Pumpkins

David_S._Pumpkins_dance

I was slow to the David S. Pumpkins party. I haven’t really watched an episode of Saturday Night Live in at least a decade, finally succumbing to that stage of life where you find yourself tut-tutting, “the show isn’t as good as it used to be.” I don’t know these kids on SNL, and damn are they annoying. (I’ll be yelling at a cloud next.)

I was in a burlesque show with my wife, a tribute to the great Tom Hanks. All Tom Hanks-inspired acts. My wife and I did a little duet inspired by The ‘Burbs. This was one of the last shows we did in Los Angeles before the big move, in February, a decidedly un-Halloween time of year.

The last act of this particular show was typically an improvised striptease to a randomly chosen song. This time, they sprung David S. Pumpkins on the unsuspecting crowd. It’s difficult to put into words exactly how they pulled off a striptease version of David S. Pumpkins, and I’d hate to deny your imagination the chance to run with the concept. All I can say is, it was baffling and hilarious.

Naturally, the wife and I immediately searched out the clip of David S. Pumpkins from SNL. It was as baffling and hilarious as we could have hoped. Later that year, SNL broadcast the animated David S. Pumpkins special, and we were in stitches for days. Reviewers were not so kind to the special, but I sincerely hope it becomes a holiday staple. (Ironically, the chief complaint seemed to be that SNL went “all-in on David Pumpkins.”)

Mass-Produced Novelty

Why my devotion? Because David S. Pumpkins is the embodiment of everything wrong with Halloween. Whether intentional or not, Bobby Moynihan, Mikey Day, and Streeter Seidell created a scorching satire of the over-trendiness of Halloween. It’s always been a commercial holiday, at least as long as I’ve been alive, but sometime around the turn of the millennium, Halloween became truly manic.

Halloween became blowing out your house decorations with “Hollywood” special effects, sexy version of everything costumes, Spirit Halloween Stores popping up like toadstools after a rainstorm, and the haunted house mazes–MY GOD THE HAUNTED HOUSE MAZES!!!

And yet, with all the mania, there is a certain generic quality that has creeped in. I think it started before the 2000s. From the late 70s into the 80s, filmmakers gave us idiosyncratic icons of horror. Freddy Krueger, Jason, Michael Myers, Pinhead, Chucky, Killer Klowns. They had their own verisimilitude, and a commitment to high concept that sometimes defied any attempt at logic.

1996 rolled around, and Wes Craven, one of the great filmmakers of that movement towards whimsical horror gave us a new nightmare: Ghostface of Scream. A boogeyman born from an off-the-rack, unlicensed, generic halloween mask. Don’t get me wrong, it’s brilliant. Scream is brilliant. But, it heralded the place we find ourselves today, where the same person who begged their parents to help them make a dinosaur costume in the 80s can casually drop $60 at Walmart for an inflatable T-rex costume.

I hope this doesn’t come off as cynical. I do adore the absolute nonsense that lines the racks this time of year. I can browse a Spirit store for hours, marveling at the quality of the wares, and the assortment of costumes and props both licensed and clearly not licensed while obviously that thing from that show everyone knows. I also never get tired of sexy version of everything costumes.

As much as I adore the novelty, it’s a mass-produced novelty. Novelty in bulk. Penn Jillette once opined that “Halloween is for amateurs.” He’s not wrong. At the same time, “amateur” literally means “someone who does something for the love of it.” Love is good, and I would never look askance at those who are enjoying themselves.

The Spirit of Party City Halloween

I do reserve the right to find Halloween mania ridiculous, however, and in David S. Pumpkins, I have a new sort of idiosyncratic icon. This icon is born of the mass-produced novelty that has sanded off Halloween’s edge. He has no carefully crafted backstory. He’s his own thing, man. His motives are inscrutable. His sidekicks are “part of it.” He is the spirit of Party City Halloween.

Pumpkins and his two skeleton friends are as off-the-rack as you can get, like amateurish, postmodern descendants of Ghostface. They fully commit to the gag in a way reminiscent of the transcendent scenery-chewing you could rely on from Robert Englund. The anti-humor of Pumpkins is an echo of the absurdity of 80s comedy horror, from the Evil Dead flicks to Killer Klowns. By somehow bridging the gap between bespoke horror and mass-produced novelty, David S. Pumpkins is also the embodiment of everything right with Halloween.

He can be enjoyed ironically and unironically at the same time. It’s a joke we’re all in on– that might not actually be a joke. It’s ephemera of substance. A straightforward paradox. I’ve gone all-in on David Pumpkins.

Any questions?

Abandoned Project: “Bone-Fire”

This photo is horrible. I re-e-e-eally need to upgrade my phone.My wife went a huntin’ tonight for a bra pattern she last touched six years ago.

As it so happens, one of my special skills is finding things. Usually, I visualize where something might be, and using a bit of observation and deductive reasoning, narrow in on the location. Sometimes I have to tap into my inner terrier and dig into everything. Tonight’s hunt was the latter, and I finally found the damn pattern in a box under a few other boxes tucked in the corner of our crafting room.

(I’m not sure why we call that one room our “crafting room.” We make stuff all over the house. We should call it the crafting house.)

In the same box (which also had a few bits and pieces dating from 2006) I found a stack of disorganized plot cards for an unwritten screenplay titled Bone-Fire. I vaguely remember the details, and the cards are so out of whack, I can’t really tell exactly what order the events were supposed to take place.

Just for fun, here are a few random cards:

EXT. CABIN – EVE

Dawn runs to cabin. Screaming. Old coot knocks her out with shotgun butt. “Goddamn Satanists.”

—————–

EXT. WOODS – NIGHT

Around the bonefire. Dawn’s “D.K.S.” [note: “Dead Kitten Speech.” see below] about mom & cancer. Samhain ritual. Puts a picture in the bone-fire

—————–

“Cow Tipping” episode

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INT. SHACK – NIGHT

“Bads” argue abt what to do with the girls

“Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live.”

—————–

EXT. WOODS – NIGHT

Burning Allison at the stake

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Denouement — another Samhein?

 

Yeesh … I’m really glad I didn’t waste any more time on this.

I think the idea was a group of Wiccans beset by a group of ignorant assholes on Samhain. I was obviously intrigued by the symbolism of the “bone fire,” but I seem to have steered directly into tired tropes. The idea of setting a thriller against the backdrop of Samhain is not a bad idea. From Wikipedia:

It was the time when cattle were brought back down from the summer pastures and when livestock were slaughtered for the winter. As at Beltane, special bonfires were lit. These were deemed to have protective and cleansing powers and there were rituals involving them. Samhain (like Beltane) was seen as a liminal time, when the spirits or fairies (the Aos Sí) could more easily come into our world. Most scholars see the Aos Sí as remnants of the pagan gods and nature spirits. It was believed that the Aos Sí needed to be propitiated to ensure that the people and their livestock survived the winter. Offerings of food and drink were left for them. The souls of the dead were also thought to revisit their homes. Feasts were had, at which the souls of dead kin were beckoned to attend and a place set at the table for them. Mumming and guising were part of the festival, and involved people going door-to-door in costume (or in disguise), often reciting verses in exchange for food.

A lot of great ideas to play with. I can envision a very earthy, del Toro-esque exploration of the themes, traditions, and beliefs surrounding Samhain.

Regarding “Dead Kitten Speech,” David Mamet coined the term in his book 3 Uses of the Knife. It’s an expository monologue that explains why the character delivering it is so fucked up, all the while slamming the brakes on the forward momentum of the play/movie/episode/etc. The fact that I specifically called out a moment and reserved it for a “Dead Kitten Speech” deeply embarrasses me.